I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
