I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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