That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I love you. Go after that dick
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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