My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
