Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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