I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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