By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
