Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
worst night to have a conscience
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
