oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
