God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
