Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
