Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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