I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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