I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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