mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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