gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
