Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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