You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
