Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
