it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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