Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
