Ambien. No doubt about it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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