She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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