My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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