Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
