It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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