i just had sex bonerless
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
