question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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