I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
