I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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