My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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