I'm jealous of your bromance
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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