I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
