My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Damn victory sex feels great
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
