glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
