yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
