is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also, beer. Big fan.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Terrible idea I love it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
