Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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