I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Pants are for mortals
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
