um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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