hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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