i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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