No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
