In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
