I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
