FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
