Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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