I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
