i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
