you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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