Just cropdusted the office
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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