i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
