I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize