we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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