All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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