I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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