mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Houston, we have a blender
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
