Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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