I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
