if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize