I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
