And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
