i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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