A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
