So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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