And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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