ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
