fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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