I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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