The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
