I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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