Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
